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"Sex without strings has carnal and emotional benefits that don't depend on reaching orgasm."Why is having an orgasm the main goal or the only goal" of sex," Herbenick said. For Kim Huynh, a 29-year-old filmmaker in San Francisco, sacrificing a reliable orgasm for sex without the burden of commitment was a conscious decision. Mediocre sex was a small price to pay "for the freedom to be able to enjoy it all." The physical aspect of a tryst with a relative stranger was gratifying, she said, even if her chances of reaching orgasm were limited.

When her partner's performance was lacklustre, she still took pride in her own sexual prowess."To sort of know yourself to be sort of skilled in a way or to be able to see someone else's pleasure that was your own doing, I think there's definitely something very empowering about that," she said. Young women have been brainwashed to think sex appeal is a measure of love. But instead of making sex the expression of an exclusive loving relationship, they hand out free samples and wonder why no man wants to ante up?

I loved learning and made Phi Beta Kappa my junior year. But my internal life was characterized by paralyzing anxiety and depression. I drove myself to excessive exercising and near-anorexia. While there was a major gulf between my public self and my private one, the one thing that remained consistent were my politics.